Depressed Mom: You're a Hero in Your Book
Depressed Mom, you’re a hero in your book. Don’t forget it. I saw a chapter of mine recently. I started going to therapy a few months ago. My therapist asked a question that stumped me. If you’ve been around me, you know I talk a lot. But I was silenced by: “Who are you in your book, the victim, the villain or the hero?” We were only a couple of sessions in and we had spoken mostly about my childhood and teenage years. Depression, suicide attempts, and suicidal thoughts too. My response, finally: “From what we’ve shared so far, it sounds like I’m the victim?” It turns out I was both victim and villain, bringing up painful pasts that roadblock me, then bashing myself for it. Her next set of questions left me mute even longer. “When are you the hero? Are you ever the hero?” I think. Suddenly, the hero in me lights up. I’m a hero because there have been many days where I didn’t want to live. Getting out of bed hurt. Trying to function in the world feeling like a broken toy that slipped passed manufacturer inspection, even harder. You’re in this very dark, cold, lonely, hopeless place. It’s painful living. Yet, I got up every morning and prepared my daughter for school. I went and performed at work, some days having panic attacks in the bathroom stalls. There were days I cried all the way home, wiped my face and went in to greet my family with smiles, hugs, and kisses. I helped with homework, read to her, did prayers with her, bathed her, sang with her. And when she went to sleep, I ate, cleaned up a bit and prepped for the next day. In silent moments I’d crack, but morning came again and I was able to wash, rinse, and repeat. The grace of God sustains you, Depressed Mom. You are a hero in your book. You are a hero in God’s book. His characters always win! So, find the victor in your story every day, because she is written.